It's Not Over
by iflifegivesyoubooks
Summary: He's gone, and all I have left is Haymitch. It's weird being around Gale, he doesn't believe me when I say Peeta and I weren't real, I've never been close to my mom, and Prim won't look at me the same way anymore. All I have left is Haymitch.
1. Chapter 1

"Shoot me." Peeta thrust the bow into my hands. "Come on Katniss, shoot me."

I couldn't do it, I'd only killed one person in my time in the games, three if you counted the two girls that got attacked by tracker jackers; I didn't. Besides Peeta was the only one who would put his life on the line to save mine; shouldn't I do the same? I pushed the bow away in disgust.

"I can't." I pointed at Peeta in accusation. "You can't ask me to kill you, if you won't do the same."

"Please do this." He whispered so quiet that I wondered if the cameras heard it. "Killing you would be like going blind, I'd be lost, fumbling for a reason to hold on, but I wouldn't find anything. I'd lose the one thing in my life that I can't replace, I can't lose you. I'd rather die."

I hadn't realized Peeta still had the knife in his hand, but it was all I could look at as he plunged it into his chest. His body fell onto the ground; blood seeping out of his wound as his eyes rolled up in his head. I heard the cannon and knew he was gone.

"No!" I shouted. "No, you can't do this Peeta, you can't give up that easily!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, I an pleased to present the victor of the seventy-fourth Hunger Games, Katniss Everdeen." The cheers of the Capitol filled my ears, trying to persuade me into believing it was just a game, and that I'd won.

I heard the hovercraft above me, but refused to look up; even after the rope latter came down beside me.

"NO!" I shouted. "THIS ISN'T OVER!"

The cheers were cut out, as a peace keeper came down the ladder and grabbed my arm forcefully. He placed my hand along with his on the ladder, I tried to pull it away, but it was like my hand was glued to the ladder. I looked down at Peeta's lifeless body, blood still seeping out of his fresh wound.

That's when I realized, that it would never be over. The games might have ended, but what happens next year, or the year after that, more deaths, more pain, more regret. It's never ending.

I'm pulled up into the hover craft, and someone shoves a needle into my neck. The world turned black, and I welcomed it with open arms, knowing that when I would wake the real challenge would start.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to Nikkette for your awesome review and I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

* * *

I drifted in and out of consciousness for what felt like days, before finally waking up fully. Before, I had restraints on my arms and legs, keeping me pinned to the table I was lying on. Someone must have came in and taken them off while I was sleeping (if I could even call it that) because I could move my arms and legs freely now. It took me a few minutes to be able to sit up, my bones felt weak, not hurt but most of the strength was drained from them. When I finally got into a sitting position, I looked around the room for the first time in my conscious state, and realized how plain it actually was, everything was as white as snow, the floor, the walls, the stand sitting beside the table, everything except the tray of food and the folded clothing, that were both placed carefully on the stand right next to me.

I moved to stand up but then reminded myself that I had no clothes on, so I sunk down lower, covering myself with the thin sheet that was covering up the rest of my body. I got the feeing I was being watched and I didn't feel comfortable with people looking at my naked body. Instead, I leaned over and grabbed the tray with both my hands, making sure not to drop it, I brought it to my lap and examined everything on it. A pile of mashed potatoes, a thin slice of turkey and a small cup of fruit, a fork and spoon were placed on the edge of the tray, shiny and ready to use. Not much food, I thought to myself, as I grabbed the spoon and filled it with potatoes.

it took me quite a while to finish eating all of the food given, and I realized why they only gave a small portion, I wouldn't have been able to finish much more. As soon as I took the last bite of food, the wall to my left slid open, and the red haired avox girl came in and took the tray from my lap, and walked out, without even a glance toward me. I grabbed the clothing-still trying to stay under the sheet-and drew in a sharp breath as I unfolded them. It was the same outfit that I wore in the arena, only new. I figured that they wanted me to meet my team for the first time in this outfit, and that's why I had to wear it. I stood up and as fast as I could slid the clothing on, I found the pair of boots, that went with the outfit, on the bottom shelf of the stand.

I slipped the boots on and walked over to where I knew the door was, and waited. It took a few seconds for it to open, but it finally did. I stepped out into the hallway, and looked around until I spotted my team, at the end of the hall. I broke into a run, as they spotted me, Effie, Haymitch and Cinna, were all there. I jumped into Haymitch's arms, just as he stood up.

"Good job, sweetheart." he whispered, into my ear.

As his embrace broke, Effie tackled me with a hug. "I knew you could do it." Is all she says.

I hugged Cinna, and we were both silent.

"Go with Cinna." Haymitch told me. "He'll get you ready."

I followed Haymitch's orders and walked behind Cinna, as he moved down a few long hallways and led me to an elevator that took us to the lobby of the training center. We walked across the lobby to the elevator, that took us to the twelfth floor.

As the elevator opened I saw my prep team standing in front of me, they wrapped me in a huge hug. They talked about how happy they were to see me, and I was happy to see them to.

They took me to the dinning room, where I was served roast beef, peas and rolls. Then I'm taken into my room and Cinna leaves, so my prep team can take care of me. They turned on my shower, and got to work.

I tuned out their chatter about the games, to keep from hating them.

After they were done, Cinna came in holding a long flowing red dress.

"More fire?" I asked. He didn't respond, instead he just slipped the dress over my head, with a smile on his face. The dress went down to my ankles and had thin straps, it was plain, but caught the light, throwing it back, and giving the allusion a slow flickering fire. There was padding in the chest area, that made me feel uncomfortable.

As if reading my thoughts Cinna explained. "They wanted to alter you surgically, Haymitch wouldn't let them, that the compromise." Pointing to the padding.

We took the elevator to the training center, my team would be rising from below the stage, because it was tradition. Cinna and the prep team went to get ready, leaving me in a dimly lit area under the stage. Someone tapped my shoulder and I jumped, as I turned around to see Haymitch.

"You scarred me." I whispered.

"Sorry," He replied. "How are you holding up?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"The whole...Peeta thing." He shifted his weight, obviously uncomfortable.

"Oh," I sighed. "I'm mad more than anything. I wanted to be able to make a decision, and he took that away from me."

"I know what you mean." He said.

"You look nice," I said, referring to the suit he had on. "How did Effie manage to get you into that?"

"I keep asking myself that same question." I was thankful he didn't try to push the Peeta thing. "Good luck out there."

"Thank you." I said, and I hoped he knew what I meant.

"Anytime." He said casually, but I could see in his eyes that he meant more. "I gotta go."

I smiled as he walked away.

My prep team went up first, then Effie, then Cinna and lastly Haymitch. They all made great entrances, people cheered for Cinna and Haymitch the most.

I felt the plate under me slowly start to rise, and I put a smile on my face as I saw the ocean of people come into view.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN; This chapter is dedicated to Nikkette, thank you for giving me first AND second review, it means a lot.**

**review responses:**

**Nikkette~ Thank you, and I'm honored that you're honored that I mentioned you in my authors note. And hyniss has been one of my favorite ships for a long time, and I'm glad im able to contribute.**

**hayniss-evernathy~ Thank you for taking the time to review, I absolutely love hayniss. I am trying to let their relationship progress slowly, I am really bad at bringing romance in to the story too soon, so just warn me if I am.**

* * *

The audience went wild as my face appeared on the huge screens. Caesar Flickerman stood, greeting me with a warm hug. He led me to a small chair, and I sat down, as he took a seat in the chair opposite of me.

"It's good to see you Katniss." He said. He made it sound like I was back from vacation, and not the games.

"You too." I gave him a small smile, but didn't say anything else. I waited in dreadful anticipation for the highlights as Ceasear continued to make jokes with the audience, but finally they started. It will last around three hours and is required for all of Panem to watch.

They showed the reapings first, and of course they went from district one to twelve. Every time a name was called my fist clenched around the cloth of the chair a little harder. When district eleven came onto the screen, I was ready to run off of stage. There she was, little Rue walking towards the stage after they called her name, and then waiting on the platform for a volunteer that wouldn't come. Watching Thresh was harder than I thought it would be, I was very thankful that he saved me, I always would be. Then it was my turn, I heard Prims name called, then myself volunteering for her. Then there was Peeta. I covered my face with my hand, as the tears ran down my cheeks. I wiped them away before uncovering my face.

I wasn't crying because Peeta wasn't coming back, I was crying because he was the one who made the decisions, and up until the end that's how it was. He once told me that he didn't want to be a piece in the Capitol's games, I didn't have any idea what he meant at the time, now I do. I ended up being a piece in his games, he made all the decisions and never gave me a choice. Now I'm stuck pretending to be in love with someone who's dead. He ruined my life, that's why I was crying.

over the period of the next few hours, whenever I saw Peeta I made sure to clench my teeth to keep from crying. I could tell as the highlights progress, that this year they were telling a love story. It made me want to puke. I stopped paying attention after the interviews, and didn't zone back in until the end, right after Cato died. I saw Peeta's body fall, I heard my screams, and then it was over.

The anthem started to play and we stood as president snow walked onto the stage holding a crown in his hands. He slowly made his way to me and placed the crown on my head, smiling a fake smile. The audience went wild, screaming as loud as they could. I bowed at least at least ten times before being escorted off stage.

I was taken to the presidents mansion for the Victory Banquet, where I did more socializing then eating. I tried to stay close to Effie since I didn't really know anyone, but after a while I got sick of her bubbly attitude and left, in hopes of finding a bathroom.

As I was walking I didn't notice that there was someone behind me, and when I took a step back, to let an avox pass I stepped on someone's foot. I spun around quickly and was greeted with the sinister smile belonging to president Snow.

"I'm sorry." I mumble.

"You ought to watch where your going," He said with a smile. "I'm forgiving, though it may cost you."

I had a feeling he wasn't just talking about me stepping on his feet.

"I'm sorry." I said again, because I didn't know what else to say.

"I suppose you've been grieving over the loss of your Peeta?" He emphasized 'your' and I tried not to flinch.

"Yes." Is all I could trust myself to say.

"It seems that all of Panem is joining you," I silently wondered what he was trying to get at. "You two were a pretty good spark, and that's all it takes."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Rebellion miss Everdeen," He explained. "The districts needed an excuse for another uprising, and im afraid you may have given it to them."

"What am I supposed to do?" I persisted.

"Be a distraction," I didn't understand what he was saying, and as if he was reading my mind he spoke up. "Tomarrow, during your interview, tell everyone that you have moved on from Peeta, and everyone else should do the same."

"Why do you think anyone will listen to me?" I mumbled.

"You're of the people." Is all he says.

"Oh there you are!" I heared someone say from behind me. I spun around and saw Effie walking toward me with a drunk Haymitch stumbling behind her. "I've been looking for you, it's all most time to go."

"Sorry." I said. I turned back to snow but he was gone.

"Come along, we have a lot of thanking to do." I followed Effie into the crowd of Capitol citizens, thinking of President Snow's words.

* * *

**AN; this authors note won't be long, I just wanted to establish a schedule for this story, I will try to start updating every Friday/Saturday. oh yeah and guess what, yesterday was my birthday, I'm officially 15, I know that wasn't relevant but I am just so excited!**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN; I technically updated this on Sunday depending on where you live, but my computer wouldn't cooperate so I'm sorry. This chapter is dedicated to my friend Taylor who helped me with this chapter when I had writers block.**

**review responses: **

**Nikkette~Thank you for being the only person who I can always count on a review from, your review made my day. I had to read it four or five times just to make sure I was reading it right. Please keep reading and I really hope you like this chapter.**

* * *

the nightmares were fresh and sleep was still prominent in my eyes, as I took my seat beside Caesar. The dress I had on made me feel like I was being choked, it was all white with a collar that covered my neck and it stuck to my body like another layer of skin. We were in the sitting room in our level of the training center, and there was no live audience, which was reasuring.

"So, how are you doing?" Caesar asked.

"I'm fine." I said.

"You'll do great." He assured me, and then turned to face the camera. Someone gave him a cue and he began, telling a few jokes before introducing me.

"How are you Katniss." He asked for the second time today.

"Good." I said with a smile.

"So," He began " I don't mean to upset you, but everyone wants to know, how are you coping with losing Peeta?"

"Well, I definitely miss him," I explained, pretending to wipe a tear from my eye. "But that's what happens, I've moved on and I hope the rest of Panem can too."

"Well said." Was his only response.

The rest of the interview was spent mostly on questions about Peeta and I. I did my best to answer believably, and from Haymitch's relieved expression as we were signing off, I achieved my goal. Caesar stood and a round of congratulatory hugs started. Unsure of what to do with myself I awkwardly stood in front of my chair, until I saw Haymitch making his way toward me.

"Good job." He brought his hand up and patted my arm awkwardly.

"Thanks." I smiled at him, as he pulled me into a hug.

"Now that's more like it." I said into his shoulder.

"Well, I wasn't sure If you wanted to hug me."

"Why would you say that?" I asked.

"You looked mad," He explained. "And I didn't want to make it worse."

"Oh." Was all I said. I watched as he pulled away and fished something out of his pocket.

"This is yours," He placed the object in my hands, and I realized it was the mockingjay pen that Madge had given me. "We're leaving in a few minutes and I didn't want you to forget it."

"Thank you." I said, wrapping my arms around his neck in another hug.

"Anytime." He whispered in my ear.

* * *

The train ride would only be a day, but I didn't want to go back, district twelve wouldn't be the same. I'd be haunted by the memories of the games, and no one would understand. Well no one except Haymitch, but he wouldn't be much help.

"Katniss" Effie's shrill voice interrupted my train of thought. "You need to eat."

"I'm not that hungry." I mumbled.

"You don't know what you're missing." She said.

"I think I'm just gonna go to bed," I told her and Haymitch. "I don't feel the best, and besides I have a big day tomorrow." We all exchanged goodnights and I made my way to my room.

I quickly got in the shower, and then slipped on a pair of pajamas. I laid in bed waiting for sleep to come, but I knew it wouldn't. I didn't want the nightmares that came with unconscious. But finally I let myself close my eyes.

* * *

_I was at the cornucopia, standing beside the lake. A figure moved into my view._

_Peeta._

_He had a smirk on his face and he was slowly walking toward me._

_"Katniss, how are you holding up?" He asked sarcastically. "How are you doing?"_

_I couldn't speak. I was frozen in place._

_"You're a piece Katniss, just a pawn in my games." Peeta wasn't Peeta anymore, it was president snow who was standing in front of me now._

_"A pawn."_

_"A pawn."_

_"A pawn."_

* * *

I woke up mid-scream, panting and sweat covered.

"It's just a dream, it's just a dream." I had to mumble to myself. I walked out of my room and into the sitting room, I sat down in the chair in the corner.

"What are you doing up." I jumped, not expecting to see Haymitch walking toward me. Unsurprisingly he had a half empty bottle of liquor in his hand.

"Why do you think I'm up?" I snapped at him.

"Well I'm guessing you were having a nightmare, so you came out here for no apparent reason hoping that the dream could be forgotten," I rolled my eyes at him. "It won't get better."

"You're great at pep talks." I told him.

"I'm not trying to make you feel better, I'm trying to give you advise. You need a sedative." He explained.

"What's a sedative?" I ask.

"Something that helps you sleep."

"Well, what's yours?" In response he held up the bottle. "Does it help?"

"Almost as much as it hurts." He laughed deeply.

"Can I have some?" I stuck my hand out in front of me.

"I don't know if that's the best idea." He told me.

"I'll be fine." I stood up and took the bottle from his hand. I tipped it up and let the warm liquid slid down my throat. It burned like fire and I almost coughed it back up.

"Told you." He mumbled under his breath, but he grabbed another bottle off of the table in the dinning room.

"So what was the dream about?" He asked, as we both sat back down. I debated weather or not to tell him, but then I remembered that the Capitol probably had the train bugged and I decided against it.

"I'd rather not talk about." I said hoping to get the point across. He seemed to understand changing the subject immediately.

"Are you glad to be going home." He asked another question.

"Not really," I answered. "Let's just not, small talk isn't really our forte."

We drank in silence, and I could feel myself getting drunker and drunker with every sip.

"This was fun." I said in a slurred voice, as I attempted to stand.

"Sweetheart, you're drunk," Haymitch pointed out the obvious. "You need to sit down before you hurt yourself."

"I'm fine." I lied. I tried to walk but ended up stumbling which made me giggle. Haymitch stood and walked toward me with caution.

"Obviously," he mumbled. "Come on, I'll help you get back to your room."

"I don't need your help," I told him. "Why aren't you drunk? You drank more than me."

"I've also been drinking a little bit longer than you have, my body has built up a resistance to the stuff." He explained, as he grabbed my arm to steady me.

"I don't feel very good." I told him. I could feel the bial rising up my throat and before Haymitch could say anything he had a shirt full of puke.

"I was gonna say don't throw up on me, but it's to late for that I guess."

"I'm sorry." I mumbled as he unbottoned his shirt revealing a puke free T-shirt underneath.

"It's okay sweetheart, it happens a lot." He told me. "Granted it's usually my own puke but it's okay."

"I'm tired." I said hugging Haymitch.

"You're drunk," He replied. "Now go to bed, you're going to have a horrible hangover in the morning."

I obeyed his orders, walking (if you could even call it that) to my room.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN; Sorry I didn't update last week my dad dropped my laptop down a flight of stairs last Wednesday and so I had to write this on my ipad, which wasn't a good idea. This chapter is dedicated to _the dark euphie_ your comment made my me laugh so hard. **

**Review responses:**

**Nikkette~ Thanks for another awesome review, I was going to wait till tomarrow to update this, but I went back and read all your reviews and decided against it.**

**the dark euphie~ Like I said, your review was hilarious.**

* * *

The second I opened my eyes my head started throbbing, the light coming through the window made me want to scream. I covered my face with the blanket with every intention of going back to sleep, that is until I heard a knock at the door.

"Time for breakfast," I heard Effie's shrill voice call from the other side of the door. "We have a big, big, big day ahead of us."

I cursed myself for drinking as much as I did as I slid out of bed, ignoring my head ache. I walked toward the dresser and pulled out the first pieces of clothing I saw and changed into them. I then sulked out to the dining room where Effie and Haymitch were sitting.

"How are you feeling?" Haymitch asked as I sat down. I knew he was mocking me for last night so I rolled my eyes, dismissing his question. I ignored Effie's attempts to start any sort of conversation during breakfast but toward the end she announced that we would be in district twelve in five minutes, so I silently thanked her as I got up from the table.

As I stood in front of the train doors, waiting for them to open, I felt my head start pounding harder than before. Haymitch was right, I had a horrible hangover, and it didn't help that I was already sick about returning home. I watched the cameras through the window and I knew that my family was waiting for me.

"Are you ready?" Haymitch asked as he walked to stand beside me.

"Yeah." I barley got the word out before the doors opened reveling the huge crowd of people. There were peace keepers holding most of them back, my mother my sister and Gales family were the only exceptions.

The only person genuinely smiling was Gale's mom, everyone else was forcing smiles except Gale, who had an indifferent expression on his face. Prim was the first to hug me, she walked toward me hesitantly but as soon as she got close enough I pulled her into a bone crushing embrace. It wasn't the same, something was different about the hug, but other than her distance I had no idea what it could be.

"I'm home," I whispered into her ear. "Just like I promised."

"Yeah." was all she said.

My mom, and Gale's family greeted me. And then I was whisked off to the mayors house for a big dinner. When the night was finally over I was taken to my new house in the victors village, where all of our stuff was already moved in. The room I picked was the only one with a window that was facing east, so I could see the sun rising. The decor of the room had been matched in a pale orange color, like leaves in the autumn. The room had its own bathroom, and a closet big enough to store thousands of articles of clothing. The bed was huge, it had a canopy of silk fabric hanging over it, and the comforter was made of the same material.

I started unpacking the few belongings that I had, leisurely looking over everything and reminiscing in the memories that came along with them.

"How are you?" I spun around to see my mother standing in the doorway.

"Fine." I said, going back to sorting my things.

"I'm so proud of you," she sat down on the edge of the King sized bed, folding her hands in her lap awkwardly. "I knew you could win."

"Yeah, well killing three people isn't wining in my book."

"I'm trying here Katniss." She told me.

"It's kind of late for that," I countered. "I'm grown now, I don't need a mother anymore. But you know what would've been nice, if you maybe tried five years ago, if I didn't have to worry that if I didn't have a good hunting day then my baby sister would starve. I don't need you to try now, but that's all I could've asked for then."

"I'm gonna go." She whispered, as she stood and scurried out of the room.

By the time I finished unpacking, it was early into the next day. So I crawled into the bed and let sleep come, momentarily forgetting about the demons that came with it.

* * *

I woke myself up with the screams. I turned the lamp on and silently prayed that my mother or Prim didn't hear me. Both of their rooms were on the other side of the house so it was unlikely that I woke them.

I didn't know what to do, sleep was a bad idea and I don't think I could've gotten back to sleep even if I tried. I needed to talk to someone, but everyone was asleep. I thought about going to Haymitch's house, but last time we 'talked' it didn't end very well.

"Katniss," A voice said from the other side of the door, breaking me from my train of thought. Instinctivly I jumped before reasuring myself that it was Prim and Prim wasn't a threat. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah." I told her. She slowly opened the door, and I watched as the dim lamplight spilled across her face, casting shadows under her cheeks and in place of her eyes. She wore a guarded expression, and my heart sunk, because I knew that it was wishful thinking when I assumed Prim didn't change. She sat down on the bed just like mother had a few hours ago. Her eyes were focused on the floor.

"I can't look at you Katniss," She told me. "I can't look at you and see my big sister, the only thing I see now is a Victor, a killer. So I don't want to look at you at all." She was holding back tears, and her fists were clinched around the blanket. I just wanted to wrap her in my arms and tell her that everything would be okay, but I didn't, because I couldn't.

"Prim I did what I had to," I explained to her. "I kept my promise to you, I came home. I'm still Katniss, I didnt change."

"You're not the same girl who I used to know, she wouldn't have killed...him and not have even cared."

"Cato? I put him out of his misery and he tried to kill-"

"Not him!" She interupted.

"The boy from one?" I asked

"Quit playing dumb with me!"

"Who are you talking about?"

"You killed Peeta." She whispered so quietly that I barely heard.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN; I am so so so so so so sorry that I didn't update the last two time that I was suppose to. I have been dealing with a lot of family issues lately and I just haven't had the time or the motivation to write, but I'm back with regular updates and I promise, no more excuses. This chapter is dedicated to anyone who has reviewed at least one of my chapters.**

**Review responses: **

**the dark euphie & Nikkette~ Thanks for your awesome reviews. In my opinion Katniss' family was always too accepting of her. I'm not saying they should have hated her, but it was odd how they welcomed her with open arms after the games. (In case you're wondering why you have the same response, it's because your reviews were similar and I wanted to say the same thing to both of you.**

**LuckyJo2~ Thank you so much for you amazing review, I love writing and it is so nice to get compliments from people, I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

"You killed Peeta."

"What are you talking-" I stopped myself mid-sentence as I remembered the recaps. the first scene was me, holding a knife along with my bow. the next scene was Peeta's body falling to the ground with a knife, the same knife, sticking out of his chest. I knew I hadn't killed Petta, but no one else did.

Before I could stop myself I was on my feet, making my way to the door.

"Where are you going?" Prime asked harshly. I turned back to her and with the last bit of resolve I could muster, I pointed to the door gesturing for her to leave. She got up slowly, but then after glancing at me for the second time, she scurried out of the room.

I sprinted, looking for one person. I ran through the house and out the front door. I felt the tears well up in my eyes and then run down my cheeks, like the first few raindrops to a rain storm.

Haymitch's house was almost directly across from mine, just one over. I'd never been in his house before, but I knew enough about Haymitch to know that it was probably filthy. The front door was already cracked open so I invited myself in, gaging as the potent air hit me.

My first thought was how could someome live like this. broken liquor bottles were strewn all over the floor, along with food in various states of decay, clothing, and mostly just unsorted loose garbage. I was still trying to find Haymitch, but the trash slowed my hunt down a bit. I cautiosly stepped over anything that could hurt me, I was regretting not slipping any shoes on before I came. After I made it through the living room injury-free I started to make my way upstairs.

"What are you doing here." I heard a slurred voice ask. I jumped but then started back down the stairs slowly. I peaked around the corner and into the kitchen and sure enough Haymitch was sitting at the oak table in the middle of yet another filthy room with a playful smirk on his lips. The tears continued to fall as I took a seat across from him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I demanded.

"what?" He asked. His face was serious, with no sign of the smirk that was there a few seconds ago.

"That everyone thinks I killed him." I explained.

"Didn't you watch the recaps."

"Yes, but to me it looked innocent, I already knew I didn't kill Peeta so I wasn't looking out for anything unusual. I guess it didn't look very good to an outsider." I bit my bottom lip to keep from sobbing. "It's not over." I whispered to myself remembering when I thought those same words in the arena.

I let myself cry, which isn't something I usually do, but there wasn't anyone around to be strong for. I put my head in my hands and sobbed. Sometime in all of my crying, I noticed a hand stroking my hair. I looked up to see Haymitch sitting on the table looking kinder than he ever had. I stood up a wrapped my arms around him. He returned the hug standing in front of me so that his chin was resting on my head.

"I knew being a victor wouldn't be easy but how am I suppose to deal with this?" I asked the rhetorical question in hopes that he might actually answer.

"You can get through it, you're strong." He told me.

"Why did they do it anyway."

"They didn't want people to think that Peeta actually killed himself, it would have started one of the biggest uprisings in history, you were the obvious solution." I sank deeper into his arms, as if they could save me from the capital.

"But why didn't they tell me, I could've slipped up during the interview."

"I don't know, maybe they wanted to see you fail." He said.

"Thank you," I told him. "I know you get tired of being my mentor sometimes, but I'm Thankful that you're here for me."

"Katniss," He pulled out of the hug and placed his hands on my shoulders. "I care about you, and I will even when I'm not your mentor anymore. I know I don't show it but you are the most important person in my life. I don't have anyone but you."

"It feels like I don't have anyone but you," I told him. "Nobody understands."

"It won't get easier." He said.

"You keep telling me that." I stated.

"I just want you to be prepared, so you don't end up like this." He gestured to himself. I laughed, but I knew he was being serious.

We talked for hours before I left. As I walked out the door I felt the happiest I had since the games had started, because now I wasn't alone. I could truly call Haymitch a friend.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN; this is the longest chapter in this story so far and it was pretty easy to write, I'm done updating on Saturdays though because I'm starting my piano lessons again and I won't have time to upload on saturdays. This chapter is dedicated to the two people who always review, they know who they are.**

**Review responses:**

**Nikkette~ Thank you for understanding my delay for last chapter, this chapter doesn't have any Katniss/Haymitch interaction so I hope you are still understanding. This chapter is important though so I'm leading up to something here.**

**the dark euphie~ I totally agree with you Peeta definitely got the better end of the deal, he knew that and thats why he killed himself. He knew he wasn't strong enough to go on without Katniss, but he also knew she _was_ strong enough. He was being selfish and unselfish at the same time. **

**NeverMessWithTeddyBears~ Thank you for your review and welcome to the story, I hope you like this chapter. **

* * *

As I stepped out of the lukewarm shower I sighed in relief, thankful that the tension in my muscles was gone. The moment I'd walked through the front door I was bombarded with useless questions, courtesy of my mother. She demanded to know where I went, why I didn't tell her I was leaving, who I was with, and so on. I ignored every question as best I could, only giving disgruntled sighs as responses. I retreated to my bedroom and crawled under the comforter, I knew I needed to clear my head and think, which resulted in me falling asleep and of course waking up screaming from yet another nightmare reeking havoc upon my mind. The shower helped me clear my head more than sleeping for obvious reasons, but I realized that I had a prominent absence that I had been putting off. Hunting.

I missed being myself, Katniss had started to mean many things to many people, but Katniss isn't anyone's expectations. She was me when the cameras weren't around and the peace keepers weren't watching. Someone who longed to be outside of the fence and loved the thrill of a perfect shot through the eye, not because she liked to kill, she had killed enough to last a lifetime, but because the idea of defying the Capitol while providing for her family at the same time gave her hope. I had saw glimpses of her, but today, while I was talking to Haymitch, I could finally be myself. It also made my mask all the more unbearable than usual.

I dried myself with an overly fluffy towel and slid my clothing on, one of my old outfits from before the games. A pair of grey jeans and a plain black t-shirt that was littered with holes. My fathers leather jacket was hanging in the very back of the closet, one of the only possessions that I actually cared much about. I took it off the hanger carefully, even though I knew it was the toughest thing I owned. It looked out of place surrounded by the bright lights and white walls of the huge space. the same way that I felt when I was surrounded by all of the luxuries I didn't ask for when other people were being deprived of the necessities that they would always need.

it only took me a few seconds to braid my hair thanks to all the practice, and then I headed out the door. Leaving the intimidating Victors Village in refuge of something familiar, something knowingly unknown.

the walk to the fence was long and unfamiliar, I'd never came to town from the Victor's village before. I tried to ignore the stares that I kept reciving and the whispers that were unknowingly carrying into my ear-shot. As I passed by the bakery, I quickened my pace, trying to move along before the baker spotted me. I kept my head down, not wanting to look at him, but as I took a quick peek into the window his eyes shot up and met mine. I froze, not knowing what to do. At first his stare was blank but then it turned to frustration. I watched him make his way around the counter and out the door of the bakery, walking toward me with a sympathetic smile on his face. The man who thought I killed his son was actually smiling at me.

"Hello." He said.

"Hello." I responded. I almost smiled at him, but I caught myself, not wanting him to think I didn't care that he just lost a son. I stood awkwardly, waiting for him to tell me why he came out here.

"I know." He told me. I panicked, he knew I didn't kill Peeta. Did he tell any one I wondered.

"You know what?" I asked, casually.

"I know that you loved him and you didn't want to kill him." He told me. "He made you didn't he?" I decided to go along with it, he didn't know the truth which was good.

"Yes, he did." I reponded. I didn't really feel bad for lying, it was better for Peeta's father if I didn't tell him the real story. That his son left me here by myself, taking the easy way out and making all my decisions for me. I didn't want him telling other people what really happened, I shuddered at the thought of what Snow would do to me if it got out. I wondered if there would actually be an uprising, I didn't think it was possible since district twelve was so small, and there would be no way to get information to any other districts, but Snow made it sound as if the districts were itching for a rebellion and would seize any and all opportunities.

"I'm sorry that other people can't see that," He told me. "But I forgive you. I know how much you cared for him and I also know that his death will haunt you for the rest of your life."_ It will,_ I thought, _but not the way you think._

"Thank you," was all I said in response. I didn't know how he understood what it was like, but I was still greatful. I heard a chime and looked behind the baker to see a women who had just walked into the bakery.

"I've got to go." He told me, as he turned on his heals and headed into the shop to the check-out counter.

As I walked away from the bakery I smiled a little, thankful that someone finally understood.

* * *

As I slid under the fence I felt the air shift and I looked at the dark clouds that covered every inch of the sky. _A storm,_ I thought walking over to the hallowed-out log the I kept my bow in. It felt more like a weapon in my hands then it ever had and I knew exactly why.

"It just a bow." I said out loud.

"I'm surprised to see you here." A voice said. I turned, bow in hand, ready to shoot. Gale was standing in front of me with a blank expression on his face, even though I almost shot him.

"Put that down." He demanded in an annoyed tone.

"Sorry, reflex." I told him as I moved the bow so that it was slung over my shoulder.

"Why are you here?" He asked.

"Same reason I always come here, to hunt." I answered with a half smile. I hadn't got to talk to Gale at the celebration last night, I knew he was purposely avoiding me.

"I really don't think you need to hunt anymore," he met my eyes for the first time and I saw pain in his eyes "Seeing as you have enough money to feed all of district twelve now."

"That's none of your business." I snapped.

"there is no reason for you to be here," I heard the anger in his voice, it cut deep but I refused to lose my ground.

"Why are you acting like this?" I shouted. "I thought I could at least count on you of all people to understand that I had to do what I did."

"Oh, so you had to be with Peeta, you had to carry his dead weight?" He yelled back. "I understood you, I cared about you and I never overstepped the boundaries you set! Yet you are perfectly okay with ignoring anything we had and going after someone else?"

"Gale." I whispered, surprised that he'd admitted so much.

"I know you didn't kill him," He said casually. I looked over at him with wide eyes. "You've used a knife three times to kill animals, not once did you twist the knife like that and I know you wouldn't do it to a person."

"you can't tell anyone." I told him.

"Like you really had to worry," He said bitterly. "I don't care enough to gossip about it."

"It was all an act," I tried to explain. "I never wanted to be with him."

"Whatever you say." He agreed, the sarcasm seeping out of every word. I jumped as a loud clap of thunder came along with the first bolt of lightning. He turned and started running back toward the fence.

"Gale I-"

"Don't," He turned on his heals to face me. "I know what I saw, the way you looked at him..." He trailed off and left me standing there. He slid under the fence just as the first raindrop hit my head.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN; Well it has to happen sometime and I've been avoiding it for the past week, I went school shopping today. I don't want to go back to school, which is kind of weird because usually I'm excited. I had an amazing freshman year and I just feel like this year won't be as good. Classes for me start on the twentieth but I'm going camping all of this week, so when we get back we had better have our stuff together. Sorry about that mini rant, so what grades are you guys going into if you're even still in school? this chapter is dedicated to the girl who sang Unlimited in the old navy ad, if you haven't watched it look it up on youtube, it's the catchest song I've heard in awhile and it's so cute. **

**Review responses:**

**Nikkette~ I don't know what else to say but thank you, I don't know how weird this sounds but you are a big motivation to me. If I really don't want to finish a chapter I think of how I can always count on your reviews, and the least I can do is update when I say I'm going to. **

**HealthyHungerGamesObsession101~ Thank you for all of your compliments, I really hope that you enjoy this chapter. **

* * *

The rain fell in buckets and cut deep into my bones. I crawled under the fence, back into district twelve, effectively covering myself in mud. The second I stood up and started walking, I lost my footing and I fell face first into a puddle that soaked my all ready wet form. As I got up I made a run for the Victor's village, taking the back way this time because I forgot to leave my bow in the forest and it wouldn't be the best idea for me to go running through the square with a weapon slung over my shoulder. It took around ten minutes to get to haymitch's house, I ran straight to the front door not even glancing at my house. As I knocked I heard a crash from inside the house and I silently hoped that Haymitch didn't break anything.

He flung the door open with an angry look on his face that faded when he saw it was me. He opened the door wider, silently inviting me in. I walked past him and looked in awe at the clean living room in front of me, wondering how he cleaned it in such a short amount of time.

"I saw how disgusted you were this morning so I decided it was time to clean the place up," I turned around and looked at the sheepish grin he had on his face. "So what's wrong." He asked.

"I talked to Gale and..." I trailed off, not knowing what to say. He nodded his head, understanding what I meant.

"Do you need something to wear?" He changed the subject, motioning to my soaking wet and filthy clothing. His eyes widened as he realized what he just said. "Or you can get something from home." He mumbled hastily.

"I really don't want to have to explain myself." I told him. He nodded walking into the bathroom and coming out with a bundle of clothing in his hands. He handed them to me, I thanked him and walked into the bathroom to get changed.

As I glanced in the mirror I did a double take, I looked horrible. There was mud all through my hair and all over my clothes. My face was pale from being out in the rain and I had bags under my eyes from the lack of sleep. I slowly undressed myself and stepped into the shower, hoping that Haymitch wouldn't mind. After I got the water warm enough I grabbed the bottle of shampoo off of the shower rack, it smelled like spice and oak and I thought of Haymitch using the same shampoo. It only took about five minutes for me to finish, but it warmed me up and I was able to get all the way clean. As I stepped out of the shower I unfolded the clothes that Haymitch gave me, a blue t-shirt a pair if red boxers and a pair of grey pajama pants. I slid the clothes on, trying not to think of Haymitch wearing them. The clothes smelled smoky, like they had been dried by a warm fire, maybe the had been. I left my wet clothes in the bathroom not knowing what else to do with them. I walked out into the living room where Haymitch was sitting, a glass of alcohol in his hand. He had a fire started even though it was the middle of the summer.

"Are you done cleaning?" I asked. His eyes shot up and met mine.

"I need a break." He told me. I nodded and walked over to sit by him.

"Do you want to talk about your dream now?" He asked me. I gave him a confused look.

"What dream?"

"On the train you had a nightmare and you wouldn't tell me what it was about because I wasn't the only one...listening." He explained.

"Oh," I whispered. "I was in the arena. Peeta was there he was mocking me, telling me how easy I was to use, but then it wasn't Peeta anymore it was Snow." I gave him a vague outline of the dream, but he seemed to understand. I jumped as yet another clap of thunder rolled across the sky, the power blinked a few times before going out completely.

"Can I have some of that." I asked, looking at the glass in his hand.

"I don't know if that's the best idea," A smirk flashed onto his lips. "Seeing what happened last time."

"You don't have to worry," I assured him. "I don't want to get that drunk for a long time."

I took the glass from his hand tipping it up and swallowing all of the alcohol, savoring the burn that came with it. I handed him the glass again and he sat it on the foor beside him.

"Will you promise me you that won't drink your problems away like I did." He asked.

"I can't do that," I told him. "I might break it."

"I'll always be here," He whispered. "And I won't judge you but I won't let you ruin your life either."

"It's hard, they don't know what it's like to have kill a person or watch someone you care about die in your arms."

"I'm sorry that no one understands sweetheart." He said, looking deep into the fire.

"You do." I whispered. He met my eyes and I saw something in his that I couldn't point out. He moved closer to me and brought his hand up to stroke my cheek.

"Don't ever forget that." He mumbled with a smile on his face. I hadn't realized that I had feelings for Haymitch until his touch brought goose bumps to my body and his breath on my cheek started driving me crazy.

I wrapped my arms around his neck as he crashed his lips to mine pulling me onto his lap. I ran my fingers through his hair as he moved down and brushed his lips against my neck which made me shudder. He pulled away gently pushing me off of his lap and into the seat beside him.

"I'm sorry." He told me.

"I kissed back." I argued.

"Yes but you're not in the best state to make a decission like this."

"Haymitch I'm old enough to decide by myself," I put my hand on his cheek. "I want this." he turned into my hand and wrapped his arms around my waist, yet again pulling me onto him. I pulled his face to mine and pushed him so he was laying underneath me on the couch. His mouth moved with mine, lighting a fire within me that had long ago burned out. he ran his hands up and down my thighs as I kissed his neck smiling at the moan that he let escape his lips. He slid his hands under my shirt rubbing them up and down my back and sending chills up my spine. I seized his mouth once more, running my tongue along his bottom lip. He broke free of the kiss and sat up moving me off of him but cradling me at his side.

"You don't know how long I've wanted to do that." He whispered into my hair, as I rested my head on his shoulder, content with life in that moment.


End file.
